Simplifying

Continuing to simplify means that I need to set clearer boundaries.  That is a process and often I find myself travelling in a direction that I know leads me to “complicated” not “simple”, but I carry on anyway, usually because the thing that is complicating my life seems like a good thing!  The truth is- often it isn’t a good thing. I carry on until I get so uncomfortable with my own self-made impediments that I am forced into honestly looking at and fixing the mess I have got into.

The difficulty lies in the fact that usually the things that are making my life complex are also things that appear to be really valuable and important to do.  Things like volunteering or activities that aid our children, or social commitments. What do we do when those conflicts of “goodness” happen? Then there are the situations where what I am about to do is all about pleasing or appeasing someone else- when that happens we are in big trouble.  I can use up so much energy on mental gymnastics, when if I just made a personal policy in the first place and stuck with it- life would be simple! Is that the secret then? To have a plan and be clear about priorities and values before the complicating factor presents itself? Imagine that we are the author of our own snafus and if that is the case then we are also the author of order and clarity.

So, if I have learned anything about my goal to simplify, it is that I need to create my own mental policy manual before I encounter a potential jumble. I need to be really clear about my values, my limits, my likes and dislikes, and not be afraid to use these things to keep my life in priority and to be able to enjoy the simple things. Life can be super meaningful when we do the things that matter most to us personally, and not the things that suck our energy.  Easy. Simple. Beautiful.  Fun.

Please send me a comment or thought on how you keep your life simple….

Wishing, Hoping, Waiting…..

Have you spent a lot of time wishing, hoping and waiting?  Wishing things could be different?  Hoping for change?  Waiting for things to get better.  Guess what?  You will be wishing, hoping and waiting forever unless you decide to get honest with yourself and get proactive.  Wishing, hoping, and waiting change nothing.  I have first hand experience with that one, as it seems I wished, hoped, and waited for many, many years of my life.  Wishing to have more money, hoping I could be happy, waiting for my marriage to get better to name just a few.  I spent so much time not being engaged in what I was doing, that I missed out on chances to change my life.  Now, I don’t sit around wishing, hoping and waiting anymore.  That old way of doing things is gone!  How liberating to not live that way- always full of anxiety.

The only result of wishing and hoping is no change, which eventually leads to depression, as we don’t see what we wish for materializing.  What you need to do is translate your wish to a goal, to an intention.  For instance, instead of saying ‘I wish I had more friends’, say ‘I intend to have two new friends by the end of the month, and to do this I am going to be friendly and join something that I enjoy’.  Sometimes fear of the unknown keeps us in a state of wishing, it keeps us in a state of fantasizing, and in a state of comfort.  What would happen if we changed what we did and took responsibility for our life?  We might actually get what we are wishing and hoping for.  Intentions and taking action changes everything.

Losing years of your life (or even minutes) wishing, hoping and waiting is no way to enjoy life.  Waiting for the right time, wishing things were different, hoping things will change.  This mindset blocks our creativity, and has a negative impact on our mental well being.  Today is the day to make things different.  Today is the day to choose a new path.  Today is the day to be the person you want to be.  Believe it is possible, take action, and it will be.

Declare This Today!

I CREATE my life.  The little things that I do matter.

I BELIEVE that attitude is everything.

I KNOW that every moment must be lived fully.

I TAKE small steps everyday towards my big dreams and goals.

I UNDERSTAND that success is built on failure, and failure is another word for learning.  My capacity to learn increases everyday.

I WORK to create good habits everyday.

I AM responsible for my life.  

I ADD value to other peoples’ lives.  

I NEVER give up.

I PLEDGE to be true to who I am and live my life with integrity and character.

concepts adapted from Success For Teens Program.

Struggling with Old Beliefs

I had a battle with myself this weekend, with my old beliefs about myself, sucking me into a vortex of perceived failure, inadequacy, and unworthiness.  I asked myself- are these feelings true and am I going to allow these thoughts to control the outcome for my life? How do I get past these feelings?  I talk back to them. I bring to mind moments of success, ability, and worthiness, moments when I am living out my vision and being the kind of person that I want to be. I create new beliefs by positively describing to myself who I am.

Communication or Concealment

Ever built a strong wall around yourself?  I have, resulting in loneliness and a total disconnect from my own self.  I saw no one and no one saw me.  I was safe, or so I  thought.  Doesn’t this purposeful concealment deny our very humanness and need for connection with others?

The Wall (Photo credit: | spoon |)

Communication with others fosters introspection, satisfaction, and value in our life.  It offers a deep joy that we can get no other way.   It is through the wrestling of ideas, beliefs, and challenges that we engage in our own growth as well as having understanding and compassion for others.  Connect.

 

The Uncertainty of Faith

Have faith!  Trust!  Great, but what is faith- is it certainty of an outcome, or is it peace with an outcome that we don’t yet know?

Faith is the ultimate act in vulnerability- a transfer of power outside ourselves.  Faith can not be found without asking questions, forcing us to think and make relevant choices based on pertinent questions.  At some point, despite our lingering doubt, we can make the transfer to peace that something “is what it is” without actually knowing that “it is what it is”!  Faith is living in the present, learning from the past, and planning for a future.

 

Personal Outer Limits

Time to set some boundaries-as the ice pick migraine screamed, “I will not let up-deal with those issues now!”.  “Fine then, I will!”, I yelled back.  What an oxymoron, worrying about ruffling someone else, while I walked around with a skull on the verge of exploding.  Putting off the matter had reaped results- on me- and they were not pleasant.  So, I set those boundaries with heart palpitating, and feelings of guilt and shame.  Then, the magic happened.  The headache lifted, and the feelings of empowerment rose.  I am clean, whole, courageous and full of self-respect again.

Being Real

Yesterday was a reminder to me to be real, because it is so comfortable to put on the facade of expected perfection. Yesterday was a reminder that life is a series of raw moments, some beautiful, and some not.  If we let those difficult moments be exactly what they are, and we remain open to learning, open to discovery, then no matter what kind of perceived discomfort we have, those moments can be turned into our greatest juncture of grace, humour and connection.

When does Success Happen?

Success happens when you do what you are passionate about.  It comes when you contribute to the world in a way that is meaningful to you.  Success does not come from the approval or acceptance that others give you- in fact that can be a false-positive indicator of your success.  Success is deeply personal.  It means that in all areas of your life, you are showing your grit and potential, especially when it looks like failure to those on the outside.  You get to create your own definition of success, and your vision for your success will drive you to go after your dreams.

Words of Life

what are word for? (Photo credit: Darwin Bell)

Words are very powerful. When they are read, when they are spoken, and when they are heard. Words can change the world and words can change you. What is your word that you would like to signify yourself with?

My word is COURAGE which means “The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain etc without fear.” Synonyms to courage are: fearlessness, dauntlessness, pluck, spirit, and intrepidity.

You might have a different word. Perhaps you will need a “word of the day” to help you in your current situation. I urge you to choose a positive and powerful one and totally embrace it as you. Know the definition. Apply it to your life. Believe that the word describes an aspect of your being. Read the word, write the word and say the word out loud until you feel it in your bones.

Words can literally change your life.

I finally met someone else the other day who just loves the dictionary and the thesaurus. I love how words roll off the tongue, the sounds that relate to what the word means. I can see how some words came to be. My kids and I were even talking the other day about what our favourite name was, and what it meant. It was a fun time hearing others favourites and why they loved that name.

I have taken my passion as far as installing the dictionary.com app on my phone. Now in just a few seconds, I can have any word at my disposal! Very exciting!